some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need water and some morals
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
