Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
