$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
