i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize