Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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