He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
