you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
