god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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