Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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