You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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