Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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