walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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