I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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