One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
