I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
