We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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