Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
