Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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