everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
