fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
