I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
