I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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