ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
PANTIES FOUND
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
