can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
