I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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