my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
