its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
