He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
