YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
