yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
