just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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