if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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