There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
