Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
