I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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