you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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