Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
