Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
