Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
