5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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