Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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