last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
