If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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