so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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