Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
