I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
