so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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