You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
