we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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