I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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