A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
