This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
